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Home / Ms Brakat

Future Ms Brakat.
Applications open.

Single stoic entrepreneur seeks life co-founder. Due diligence is mandatory. A PowerPoint is required. Making me laugh earns extra points.

Hikmat pointing at an empty silhouette with a question mark
THE PROFILE

Hikmat Brakat

OCCUPATION
Stoic entrepreneur
BASED IN
Norway
TRACK RECORD
$1M+ door to door · 10 accounts over 100k
LOVE LANGUAGE
Documenting everything. Yes, there will be a podcast episode.
LOOKING FOR
Ms Brakat. Must enjoy long-term thinking and a good spreadsheet.
A MESSAGE TO FUTURE MS BRAKAT

Dear Future Ms Brakat,

I don't know your name yet, but I know you've already rolled your eyes at this page. Good. Keep that energy.

I'm looking for someone who can laugh at me, argue with me and tell me when the plan is wrong. You don't have to love spreadsheets. You'll learn to tolerate them.

I bring discipline, spreadsheets and questionable dating-site design. You bring a PowerPoint.

See you on slide one.
Hikmat

Green flags

  • Has heard “no” at more doors than he can count, and still smiles.
  • Can name three anime openings and defend all of them.
  • Runs on a plan. Also on stoicism.
  • Documents everything honestly, failures included (see: supplements).

Red flags

  • Will turn the wedding budget into a unit-economics spreadsheet.
  • Calls dates “experiments” and takes notes.
  • Will ask “what can I control here?” about the weather.
  • Has run ten accounts, so you may appear in content. With consent.

What we'll talk about on date one

  • Anime: 40%
  • Stoicism: 30%
  • Unit economics: 20%
  • You: 10% (we'll improve)
  • Scientifically unverified.

How to apply

STEP 1

Build the deck

A PowerPoint (or Google Slides, Keynote) titled “Why we're a good match.” Keep it tight. Make it good.

STEP 2

Make me laugh

Extra points. At least one slide should get a real laugh out of me.

STEP 3

Send it by email

Use the template below and attach your deck. Email only, no DMs.

The scorecard (not legally binding)

The wall

The corniest opening lines on the internet. Business, anime and weed puns welcome. Send yours and the best ones get pinned.

Are you a 2x ROAS? Because I'd put my whole budget on you.
Hajimemashite, senpai! Are you a sales funnel? I keep falling for you and can't find the exit. (≧◡≦)
You must be break-even, because I lose nothing by talking to you.
I'm not a weed expert, but I think we have good chemistry. 🍃
Are you 4:20? Because I'd show up on time for you.
Is your name Naruto? Because I'd run through any door-to-door for you. Dattebayo!
You're so cute I forgot my pitch. Please close me. (>///<)
If you were an anime, I'd binge all 232 pages in one night.
Are you a lead magnet? I gave you my email and I'd give you my number too.
I heard you ring doorbells for a living. My heart's open, no appointment needed.
Do you believe in love at first pitch, or should I walk past again?
You're the only 1.1.1.1 I'd say out loud ten times.
Are you a bong? Because every time I look at you, I get lightheaded. 🌿
Rate my opener out of 10 MIL SALG.
Is this a business meeting? Because you just made my quarterly goals look small. ✨
You had me at “pick one channel and master it.”

Send your opening line ↗

Get your Certificate of Authenticity

Type your name. A fully official, completely non-binding certificate is made on the spot, with a stick man and a seal. Download it and attach it to your application. It's made in your browser, and nothing is sent anywhere.

Stats are made up from your name. They're scientifically unverified, like everything on this page.

The email template

Subject: Application: Future Ms Brakat – [Your name]

Hi Hikmat,

Please find my application for the position of Future Ms Brakat.

Name:
Age (18+ only):
Where I live:

Attached: my PowerPoint, "Why we're a good match"
(or link, if it's too big: )

My pitch in three lines:
1.
2.
3.

The joke I'm hoping lands:

My honest red flag:

Sincerely,
[Your name]

P.S. I am 18 or older, and I'm fine with you reading this.
Open in my email app ↗

Applications go to talktohikmatbrakat@gmail.com. Attach your PowerPoint to the email.

Or apply with the form

Too big to attach? Paste a Google Slides, Drive, Canva or OneDrive link. Make sure anyone with the link can view it.

A parody listing, just for fun. There's no promise of a reply, and I'll only answer by email. Please don't send sensitive personal information.